50 Things That Tony Stark Is Not Allowed To Do
by SilverHeart09
Summary: Pepper writes a list of all the things that Tony Stark isn't allowed to do. He finds it, hilarity ensues.
1. The List And Number 1

_Flash of inspiration! Please review!_

50 things that Tony Stark is not allowed to do:

1-Wander around the house with no clothes on when Pepper is there

2-Walk into a meeting with his flies undone

3-Creep up behind Pepper and yell 'Boo!'

4-Wake Pepper up by saying, 'honey, the baby's crying'

5-Hide Pepper's biro

6-Hide Pepper's highlighter

7-Put Pepper's highlight and biro in the plant pot and claim that the plant pot ate them

8-Leave coffee mug rings on Pepper's work

9-his music so loudly Pepper's ears are ringing the next day

10-Land through the roof in his armour

11-Leave the milk out on a hot day

12-Change the ringtone on Pepper's BlackBerry

13-Hide Pepper's BlackBerry

14-Change the schedules on Pepper's BlackBerry

15-Go anywhere NEAR Pepper's BlackBerry

16-Hack into Pepper's laptop and change the start-up tune

17-Hack into Pepper's laptop and fill it up with pictures of him

18-Hack into Pepper's laptop and fill up her email with rude advertising

19-Go anywhere NEAR Pepper's laptop

20-Jump out the window in his armour and give Pepper a heart attack

21-Hack into Rhodey's account and change the profile picture, username and start-up noise

22-Tie Rhodey's shoelaces together

23-Program JARVIS to answer every query from Rhodey with 'Your powers are weak old man'

24-Program JARVIS to answer every query from Pepper with 'The force is strong with this one'

25-Give Pepper a surprise hug when she's holding a coffee mug

26-Jump in the swimming pool with a $2000 Armani suit on when he has a meeting in 10 minutes

27-Turn up late for a meeting with his clothes covered in oil

28-Wear anything that's covered in oil to a meeting

29-Hide Pepper's trousers so she 'has' to wear a skirt more often

30-Program all the speakers in Stark Industries to play the 'Hamster Dance' on repeat for the entire day

31-Send subliminal messages on every computer in Stark Industries along the lines of 'Pepper's legs look great today' so Pepper gets freaked out when everyone keeps staring at her legs

32-Give Pepper decaff coffee

33-Text rude words to Pepper's phone when in a very important meeting

34-Carry on an X-rated conversation with Rhodey when in a very important meeting

35-Stare at either Pepper's legs/hair/bum/chest/anything attached to Pepper including Pepper herself when in a very important meeting

36-Give each member of the board of director's bunny ears when no-one's looking

37-Put rude messages in Pepper's in-tray

38-Change Pepper's computer background to the playboy symbol

39-Doodle 'I love Hugh Hefner' all over Pepper's work and then look shocked when he 'pretends' to notice it

40-Ditto 'I love Tony Stark'

41-Take Pepper's hair clip out when he walks behind her so all her hair falls out

42-Have banister racing contests with Rhodey in Stark Industries

43-Even attempt to cook anything that involves a frying pan unless either Rhodey or Pepper is there

44-Play Tetris on his laptop when he's supposed to be paying attention to the senior developer.

45-Rick roll Pepper

46-Ditto Rhodey

47-Send the project manager a file which, when opened, rick rolls you, and then blame it on Pepper

48-Stick the playboy symbol on Rhodey's office door

49-Push Pepper in the swimming pool when it's hot and she's stressed

50-And the number one thing that Tony Stark MUST NOT DO- Keep Pepper Potts up all night worried out of her mind that he's hurt himself on a mission

Pepper finished her list and clicked send. The envelope button flashed up and then zoomed off to the side, indicating that it had been sent.

When Pepper arrived at Tony Stark's house the next day, she was shocked out of her mind to find Tony Stark wandering around the house the next day completely stark (pardon the pun) naked.

'Tony! Put something on!' Pepper yelled.

'What?' Tony asked nonchalantly, 'it's nothing you haven't seen before.'

'Yes, and I was scarred then,' Pepper said, turning her back on him. 'Now go and put something on!'

A few moments later she heard his voice next to her ear, 'this _was _only number 1 on the list, Miss Potts, expect things to get a lot worse.'

Pepper stood, frozen, until she heard the bedroom door close upstairs.

_Damn _Tony Stark for intercepting her emails!


	2. Number 2

_I've decided to do what some people suggested and turn this into a series of one-offs._

_Btw- Pepper was emailing a friend and a 'biro' is another word for a disposable pen, it may just be an English thing._

_Please review if you want more!_

Pepper sat in worried anticipation all of the next day. She knew _exactly _what number 2 on the list was:

'Walk into a meeting with his flies undone'

Trouble was; it was the kind of thing Tony Stark would do anyway, regardless of whether or not it would annoy Pepper.

Pepper jumped as her BlackBerry vibrated in her pocket, informing her that she had a meeting to go to, a meeting that Tony Stark should be attending.

Pepper had pleaded with Tony all of that morning while she chased him around his workshop trying to get him to stay still for 5 minutes to ignore the list, but he'd only smiled and eventually she'd had to give up or risk being late herself.

Pepper pulled her BlackBerry out of her pocket and added a few to-do things to it, trying hard to not look at the door as the rest of the development team filed in.

Tony did not disappoint, and what was even worse- his boxers were florescent pink.

'Sorry I'm late,' he said, smiling sweetly.

Pepper flushed red and looked down, allowing her long hair to hide her face.

_You have no-one to blame but yourself Pepper, you're the one that wrote that damn list!_

Tony sat down and Pepper heard a few stifled sniggers from the rest of the team.

When the meeting was finally over, an event that couldn't have come quickly enough in Pepper's opinion, and everyone else had left, Pepper cornered Tony and pinned him against the wall.

'Steady on, Peps!' Tony said grinning. 'If I had known that my boxers would set you off I'd wander around the house in them more often.'

'Tony,' Pepper said, 'If you dare carry on I swear I'll…'

Tony raised an eyebrow. 'You'll…?'

'I'll key the Audi.'

Tony stared at her, shocked.

'You wouldn't dare.'

'I would, up to you.'

Tony grinned and bent over, whispering in her ear, 'I'm still looking forward to number 30.'

He walked out and Pepper made a mental note to remove all the speakers.


	3. Number 3

3- 'Creep up behind Pepper and yell 'Boo!'

Pepper was in a state of agitation all of the next day, constantly checking behind her and earning some curious glances from other co-workers.

Pepper ducked into her office, checking behind the door first and sat down in front of her computer, opening up the various files that she needed to work on.

She was so absorbed in her work that she didn't hear the door open…

'Boo!'

Pepper jumped so high she banged her knees on the bottom of her desk.

Turning round she gave Tony Stark her best death glare, trying to ignore just how fast her heart was beating.

Tony grinned, his eyes sparkling.

'Tony,' Pepper said, trying to keep her shaking voice level. 'That was not funny.'

Tony laughed, 'you wouldn't be saying that if you'd seen the look on your face.'

Pepper gave him a filthy look and turned back to her work.

Tony Stark was still laughing as he walked out.


	4. Number 4

4-Wake Pepper up by saying, 'honey, the baby's crying'

Pepper thought she was safe. All she had to do was not fall asleep anywhere near Tony Stark; and she sincerely doubted that he'd break into her house just to annoy her.

A few weeks passed, and Pepper let the list leave her mind. If Tony was frustrated that number 4 was proving so difficult he never showed it, he'd make lots of noise in his workshop and then he'd turn up late for meetings.

Pepper walked into Tony's house one evening. The light outside had long gone only to be replaced by stars that twinkled in the sky.

Pepper set her laptop and handbag down on the coffee table and walked into the kitchen to turn the coffee machine on.

'Evening, Pepper,' came a familiar voice from behind her.

Pepper turned round. Tony was wearing his oil stained jeans and blue t-shirt, the Arc Reactor in his chest shining clearly through. His dark hair was tousled and his eyes were slightly bloodshot, his skin paler than usual showing that he'd spent virtually the whole day under one of his cars.

Pepper handed him a coffee mug and he sat down at the kitchen table, eyes glazing over, indicating that he was pondering the mysteries of the universe as usual.

Pepper crossed into the living room and pulled her laptop out of her bag, grabbing her memory stick and plugging it in while keeping one eye on Tony Stark, who'd grabbed a notepad and was writing down some equations.

Pepper carried on working late into the night. At around 11ish Tony walked past on his way to bed and told her to go home and get some sleep.

Pepper waved her hand at him and told him she was nearly done.

Inevitably, however, she started feeling sleepy.

The couch was _very _comfortable, and she'd forgotten all about the list.

She didn't intend to fall asleep against the back of the couch, but she couldn't help it.

* * *

Tony Stark stepped onto the light Malibu sunshine streaming through the balcony window, stepping into the living room.

Pepper was asleep on the couch.

Tony's grin was larger than the Cheshire cat's.

He crept up behind the couch and watched Pepper sleep.

Once he was sure that she _was _asleep and not faking, Tony bent down to her ear and whispered _oh so quietly _'Honey, the baby's crying.'

Pepper jumped up, arms stretched out towards her imaginary baby.

Tony laughed so hard he fell over and Pepper blushed bright red and smacked him with her laptop.

She could still hear Tony laughing as she stepped into the kitchen.


	5. Number 5, 6 & 7

_A few people have asked me about this._

_A biro is another word for a disposable pen :)_

_Please review!!_

_5. Hide Pepper's biro_

For Tony Stark, hiding Pepper's biro just wasn't enough. He was well aware that she had hundreds of the damn things so just _hiding _one wouldn't be enough. It would have to be planned perfectly…

Pepper wasn't worried about number 5. Hide her biro? Not a problem, she had hundreds, and she suspected that Tony knew it.

Glancing at the clock, she realised it was time to leave. Pepper pulled out her box of biros and locked them in the bottom drawer of her desk before picking up her laptop and stepping out of the office.

Tony crept out of his office once he'd seen her leave and snuck into her office. There were _no biros _on her desk. Tony stood in shocked amazement for 10 seconds before he realised that this meant she must have hidden them somewhere.

Tony lifted up the papers on Pepper's in-tray and rummaged around under her desk.

Nothing.

Tony tried the filling cabinet.

Nothing.

Then he noticed the two drawers next to the desk. The first one had manuals and hair stuff in it and the second one…

_Was locked._

Bingo.

Tony picked out a hair clip from the first drawer and eased it into the lock.

His father (much to the disgust of his mother) had shown him how to pick locks when he was 7 after he'd accidentally locked a engine part in a drawer and then (to this day he wasn't sure how he'd done it) locked the key in with it.

The lock _pinged _as it broke and Tony pulled the drawer open.

It was full of _not only _biros, but highlighters too. Tony grinned, remembering number 6 on the list (which he'd memorised in case Pepper found a way to delete it).

_6. Hide Pepper's highlighter_

Tony pulled the drawer out and quickly dumped its contents into his office before coming back and replacing the drawer. Then he used the abused hair clip to re-lock the drawer and stuck it in his pocket so Pepper wouldn't find it.

Back in his office, Tony laid aside one highlighter and one biro and dumped the rest into his drawer.

_7. Put Pepper's highlighter and biro in the plant pot and claim that the plant pot ate them_

Tony stuffed the chosen highlighter and biro into his pocket and grabbed his bag and car keys, stepping out of his office and into the lift.

Once he'd reached the foyer of Stark Industries he deposited the biro and highlighter into the plant pot by the main desk and left, waving at his (cute) receptionist as he did so.

Pepper stepped into her office the next day, and immediately something felt weird. It had been remarked many times by many different members of Stark Industries that Pepper had a sixth sense when it came to noticing if something was wrong or out of place.

This was one of those moments.

Pepper sprinted to her drawer. It was still locked… but that uneasy feeling wouldn't go away.

Pepper pulled the key out of her skirt pocket and turned it in the lock, opening the drawer.

It was empty.

_What… the…_

Pepper charged into Tony's office.

'Mr Stark,' she said, glaring.

Tony looked up from the car magazine that he'd been consulting.

'Yes, Miss Potts?'

'Where are my highlighters and biros?'

Tony feigned innocence, he did it very well.

'I don't know, Miss Potts,' he said, looking surprised.

Pepper stormed out of his office and began a thorough search of every plant pot in Stark Industries, earning many odd glances.

The pot in the foyer proved successful and as Pepper retrieved her highlighter and pen Julie Richards from accounting gave her an odd look.

'You all right, Pepper?' she asked.

Pepper brandished her prize.

'If you need me, I'll be killing Tony Stark.'

Julie grinned.

Pepper walked back into Tony Stark's office, where he'd moved on to designing a car made up of 4 different models from his magazine.

'Find them?' he asked, not looking up as he sketched in the suspension.

'Yes, Mr Stark, and since we both know what you're going to say next I'm just going to leave.'

Tony looked up, shocked, 'what was I going to say, Miss Potts?'

'You know exactly what you were going to say.'

'I assure you I don't.'

Pepper scrutinised him while Tony looked innocently at her.

'You mean to say that you'd forgotten about the list?'

'List?' Tony looked blank.

'Yes… the list I made, the 50 things you're not allowed to do.'

'Oh, I'd given up on that.'

Now it was Pepper's turn to look shocked. 'You've… given up?'

'Yes, Pepper, I have,' Tony replied calmly.

'Then, then, then WHY did I find my highlighter and biro in the plant pot?'

Tony put his drawing down, leaned forward in his chair and said, very seriously, 'perhaps the plant pot ate them.'

Pepper threw the highlighter and biro at him and stormed out of his office.


	6. Number 8

_Okay, this took VERY long to update and I am very very sorry!!_

_Please review!_

8-Leave coffee mug rings on Pepper's work

Tony was always leaving coffee mug rings on Pepper's work. She'd hand him some forms to sign, which he'd then not only forget to sign but would also use to put coffee mugs on.

Tony adjusted the ice pack on his left arm, sliding it up a little further so it covered the monster bruise that was now forming on his skin (courtesy of Iron Man) better, and continued with his analyses of the new Arc Reactor plans that Pepper had ordered him to look over earlier that evening

_Click click click._

Tony kept his head bent over his work, trying not to let the smile sneak onto his face. After all, there was only one person in the world who could make that noise while making his heart beat just that little bit faster.

The aroma of deep dark coffee filled his nostrils and Tony found his head being propelled upwards by his nose.

Pepper placed the mug down in front of him and sat on the chair opposite his desk, folding her legs under and placing her laptop on her lap.

Tony's didn't think this was unusual. Occasionally Pepper would come down to the workshop to do her work while at the same time running some ideas and problems past Tony. However the real reason was; Pepper wanted to make sure that Tony didn't spend all night in the workshop, and fancied some company, even if that particular company wasn't that companionable. However knowing that there was another human presence nearby was better that sitting in a massive empty room on your own with only an AI to keep you company, which lets face it- is hardly any company at all.

Tony glanced at the clock. Half past 9.

'Pepper…' Tony said, looking over at her.

Pepper looked up innocently, 'yes? Mr Stark?'

Tony folded his arms. 'Miss Potts,' he said, drawing the emphasis out on her formal title. 'It has gone 7 o'clock. That means that not only are you now required to call me Tony, since I am strictly speaking no longer your employer for the duration of this evening, but also that you should be at home wrapped up in a blanket watching _Gossip Girl_ or whatever it is that you watch.'

Pepper raised her eyebrows at him. '_Tony_,' she began. 'I work for a workaholic, which makes me a workaholic too.'

Tony took a sip of coffee out of his mug and handed the Arc designs to Pepper. 'They're all good, Pepper,' he said. 'Although I'd recommend drawing it up to 5.6 rather than 4.9, it would help to balance the energy better. I've scrawled it on there.'

Pepper took the designs and folded them away into her laptop bag along with what was undoubtedly another huge folder full of notes demanding her attention. She pulled out a folder and flicked through it, pulling some pages out and handing them to Tony. 'These need signing,' she said. 'Since you wanted me to make sure that you supervised all shipping manifests.'

Tony took another slurp of coffee and took the files out of her hand, putting them down on the desk along with his coffee mug.

'Okay,' Pepper said, checking her BlackBerry. 'You have an invite to Ellen's show. Yes or no?'

Tony considered this for all of 2 seconds. 'Yes.'

Pepper was surprised. 'Yes? Why?'

'Because I want to dance with the audience!'

Pepper closed her mouth once she'd realised it was hanging open and made a note on her PDA. Then her mouth repeated its previous position as she realised that Tony had stood up and was now pretending to waltz with someone around the workshop.

Pepper couldn't help laughing. It wasn't that he was totally useless, in fact he was very good, it was just the idea of Tony Stark doing the waltz on a popular TV show with the audience.

Tony grinned at her, and before she could stop him he'd pulled her laptop off her lap and pulled her up. 'It's better with two, Pepper,' he said, grinning wickedly at her.

'Tony!' Pepper protested, 'I have work to do!'

Tony pulled a face. 'And? Pepper, millions of woman across the world would give their right arm to be where you are now!'

'In a grubby workshop filled with robots?' Pepper said, raising her eyebrow.

'_No,'_ Tony said, and the 'duh Pepper' in his tone was unmissable. 'In the arms of a sexy genius billionaire. JARVIS? Put some waltz music, something Tchaikovsky.'

A few moments later than unforgettable first notes of Swan Lake began and Pepper found herself being led around the room by 'a sexy genius billionaire.' And just for a second, Pepper was able to forget that Tony was her boss, because when he was with her he never really was her employer, he was just Tony, she called him Mr Stark to help her concentrate on her work rather than his chocolate brown eyes.

Tony was a good dancer, he'd told her once when he was _ever so slightly _drunk off his arse that his mom had shown him how to dance when he'd gone to his first Stark benefit with his parents.

But he was still Tony Stark- the world's biggest playboy billionaire industrialist.

Pepper pulled away. 'Sorry, Tony, I have to work.'

Tony nodded and stepped back, sticking his hands inside his pockets. Pepper grabbed her laptop bag and phone and walked out of the workshop.

'See you tomorrow,' she called.

Tony waved and then realised just how tired he was. 'Ready to call it a night, JARVIS?' he asked.

'_Yes, sir.'_ JARVIS replied, and around him the computers started to shut themselves down one by one as Tony exited the room.

Neither Tony nor Pepper had noticed that Tony had put the coffee mug on top of the files that needed signing.

* * *

The next day dawned bright and early. The sun was shining through the windows as Pepper stepped into the mansion.

'JARVIS, is Tony up yet?' Pepper called to the ceiling.

'_He is still in bed, Miss Potts,' _JARVIS informed her.

'Tell him he has a meeting at 10 which means that he needs to get down here pronto,' Pepper said, depositing her handbag on the settee. 'Did he sign those forms I asked him to sign?'

'_I'm afraid not, Miss Potts, he went to bed shortly after you left.'_

Pepper stepped down into the workshop to retrieve the unsigned documents… from under a coffee mug. Trying not to explode, Pepper lifted up the offending documents, praying to anyone who was paying attention that they were free from offensive brown stains…

They weren't.

Pepper stormed back upstairs and waved the forms in front of Tony Stark's face, who was examining the contents of the cupboard.

'Good morning to you too, Pepper,' Tony said, pulling down a _Cocoa Pops _cereal bar from the top shelf.

'Tony! Do you have any idea how important these papers are?'

Tony looked a little guilty. 'Would those be the papers you wanted me to sign? Sorry Peps, I'll do them now.'

'Tony!' Pepper yelled.

'What?'

'There's a _coffee stain _on here.'

Tony took the forms from her and held them in front of him so the sunshine from the window lit up the surface.

'Oh yeah,' he said, scrutinising the papers. He looked back up at Pepper. 'Coffee stains have never bothered you before.'

'It was number 8 on the list, Tony!' Pepper said.

Tony looked confused. 'List?'

'50 Things That Tony Stark Is Not Allowed To Do, Tony, that list!'

Tony burst out laughing, much to Pepper's annoyance.

'Why is that funny?' Pepper said, exasperated.

'Because, Pepper,' Tony said. 'I didn't _mean _to put my coffee mug on there! For once in my life it was a complete accident!'

Pepper thrust a pen at him and stalked off into the living room muttering something about 'brown eyes' that Tony didn't quite catch.


	7. Number 9

_So so so sorry I haven't updated this in an age!!! But I HAVEN'T given up on it so don't despair!_

_So here is number nine, enjoy and review if you want a super fast update!_

9. Play his music so loudly Pepper's ears are ringing the next day

It was AC/DC.

_Of course it was AC/DC_, Pepper thought rolling her eyes. _Turn up the volume and all you can hear is the drums and guitar, with the occasional screaming._

Pepper sighed as she deposited her laptop onto Tony's sofa and stepped into the kitchen to turn the coffee machine on.

'_Shoot to thrill, play to kill, too many women with too many pills.'_

Trying desperately hard to mentally close her ears, Pepper took a deep breath and Tony's coffee, and stepped down into the workshop.

Tony had his back to her, rummaging around deep inside the Hot Rod's engine, muttering to JARVIS as he did so.

'No, you must be wrong, I've already checked cylinder 3, and the compression is fine.'

Pepper typed her access code into the newly repaired glass door and stepped inside the workshop, turning the music down as she did so.

'_Please _don't turn down my music,' Tony whined, turning round and pouting at her. Pepper sighed, 'the grumpy three year old isn't going to work, Tony.'

Tony pouted again and widened his brown eyes in an attempt to look cute, he did it very well, but there was no way that Pepper was going to tell him that; his ego was large enough as it was.

'Tony, this is loud even by your standards, I can't hear myself think!'

Tony gave her a lopsided grin. 'Isn't that the whole point?'

_Number nine on the list, ringing ears, Tony you sod._

Pepper glared at him and handed him his coffee without a word, spinning on her heels and heading back out the door. A few moments later, she could hear AC/DC being cranked right back up.

Tony waited until JARVIS informed him that Pepper was back upstairs before pulling out a pair of earplugs from the pockets of his jeans and plugging them in, because, contrary to popular belief, there was only so much his ears could stand.

JARVIS waited until he'd put them in before cranking the music up even louder. Blissfully unaware, Tony continued to work on the Hot Rod.

When Pepper woke up the next morning, she couldn't hear an awful lot; her ears felt stuffed and appeared to be vibrating. Pepper moaned as the ringing started and dived headfirst into the shower.

_You have it coming to you now, Stark._

Tony jerked awake as his duvet was forcefully removed from his body. Lying in his boxers, he blinked innocently up at Pepper, who looked was looking like a red-headed avenging angel.

'Woke up on the wrong side of bed today did we, Potts?' he asked, rubbing sleep out of his eyes.

'Sorry, Tony,' Pepper said, a little louder then usual, 'but I can't hear a word you're saying.'

Tony grinned. 'AC/DC will do that to you Peps.'

Pepper stared at him in disbelief. 'How are you _not _affected?'

Tony shrugged. 'Clearly my ears can withstand louder music volumes then yours can.'

'What am I supposed to do?' Pepper yelled, making Tony jump. 'I can't answer the phone if I can't hear anything.'

Tony sighed and motioned to his ears. He pinched his nose and blew with his mouth shut, then motioned to Pepper to do the same.

Uncertain, Pepper did, only to be subject to the most almightily 'Pop!' she had ever heard in her life, it made her ears hurt for a while, but then she found she could hear clearly. 'Oh!' she said softly.

Tony grinned and sprang out of bed. 'Let me get dressed and I'll buy you pancakes,' he said.

Just as he reached the door to the bathroom he turned back and nodded at her.

'With _extra _syrup!'


	8. Number 10

_Sorry I haven't updated for way too long! But I was thinking about how to write this chapter, because I didn't think that Tony would ruin his floor again just so he could annoy Pepper, but then I saw a picture of Rhodey in the Mark II hovering above the house and BOOM! Plot Bunnies are GO!_

_Enjoy and then review!! :)_

_The Commitments is an awesome film! Watch it!_

10- Land through the roof in his armour.

In all fairness to Tony, he'd promised Pepper to leave number 10 alone, fixing it the first time had been hard enough and it didn't feel like having to do it again.

Pepper and Tony were sat on Tony's sofa watching 'The Commitments.' Exhausted by a long day, Pepper had fallen asleep… on Tony's lap. Tony didn't want to wake her since he'd seen her falling asleep over the takeaway pizza he'd ordered. He'd covered her with his jacket and now had his arm around her. Rhodey had come over earlier and mumbled something about going to see Tony's designs for the War Machine armour; however he hadn't come up yet. Dummy was stood in the corner, he appeared to be watching the movie, however Tony was never sure with him.

Tony yawned and stretched, causing Pepper to shuffle further into his lap, and contemplated his assistant. It was something he did a lot, however this was the first opportunity he'd got to do it when she was actually asleep. Tony considered waking her up but just couldn't bring himself to do it, she was hardly ever peaceful.

And then Rhodey ruined it.

FLAABBBBBBOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tony jumped sky high, Pepper waking up and jumping with him. He automatically grabbed her round the waist and pulled her with him behind the sofa, crouching down low.

'What… the _hell…' _Pepper said.

Tony blinked and swore.

Loudly.

Dummy beeped at him.

Tony (reluctantly) let go of Pepper and stood up, giving Pepper his hand to help her up.

'What _was _that?' Pepper asked, shaking a little.

'_That…_ Miss Potts, was the sound Rhodey makes when he ruins a perfectly good section of the floor by flying through it in one of the Iron Man prototypes,' Tony said, sighing and running a hand through his hair.

Pepper sighed, relived that no-one was trying to kill her boss _again. _Tony strolled off to the workshop.

'_Rhodey!!!'_

Pepper smiled and followed him to watch the fun.


	9. Number 11

_OH MY GOSH I HAVEN'T UPDATED IN OVER A YEAR! I AM SO SO SO SORRY! Please accept my apologies and chapter 11! I have actually done something similar to this. I left a flask of strawberry milkshake under my bed for 6 months. When I found it the smell was so bad I nearly threw up. Please review and I will update sooner! I'm stuck at home because my exams are over and SO bored so expect lots more updates on my other stories! :)_

11. Leave the milk out on a hot day

Tony contemplated the chocolate milkshake he'd made himself. He hadn't whisked it properly and lumps of brown powder were still floating in the milk. Tony sighed and put the cup down on the counter, trying to remember how his mother had done it. Outside the sun streamed through the open windows and Tony rubbed his neck, moving his shirt away from his collarbone. It was 5 o'clock but even with the air conditioning on full blast the heat was unforgiving and harsh.

Tony went up to his room and stripped off, changing into his swimming shorts and going outside, diving into the cool pool.

* * *

Pepper walked slowly into the house, the heat making her feel dizzy. She successfully managed to reach the living room and pulled her shoes off her aching feet, dumping them with her jacket and bag. She tied her hair up into a loose ponytail and untucked her shirt, popping a few of the buttons at the top. No doubt Tony would stare but at least she felt a bit cooler.

Pepper padded barefoot into the kitchen to get some water and noticed the brown blobby liquid on the counter. Pepper scrutinised the chocolate mess and grinned, only Tony Stark could fail at mixing milk with powder. Pepper grabbed the egg whisk from the drawer and placed it into the mug, whisking quickly and expertly. The chocolate powder dissolved, leaving a cool yummy looking chocolate milkshake. Pepper quickly made one for herself, looking around to try and find Tony. She eventually spotted him out of the kitchen window floating in the pool. Pepper grabbed the two glasses and went outside to find him.

* * *

Tony was floating on his back in the pool, sunglasses on, eyes closed towards the sky. Since Pepper had abandoned her heels he didn't hear her come over to the pool side until he heard a soft splash. Turning his head and opening his eyes he saw that Pepper had hitched her skirt up and was sat on the side, legs in the water brandishing two glasses of chocolate milkshake. Tony gave up trying to float and allowed the water to pull him under, he resurfaced quickly and swam towards Pepper who was pointing a finger accusingly at him.

'If you get me wet, there will be consequences,' she said, her face deadly serious.

Tony pouted and Pepper smiled and handed him the milkshake.

'I love you, Pepper,' Tony said, smiling happily as he chugged nearly the whole thing in one go.

'Careful!' Pepper said laughing. 'You'll get hiccups!'

'Hmmmm that's lovely,' Tony said, relishing in the chocolate taste as Pepper drank her own.

'So, to what do I owe this pleasure?' he asked, pulling himself out of the pool and sitting beside her.

Pepper tried hard not to look at his perfectly formed muscles and Tony didn't bother trying to be discreet and stared at her chest where he had a better view than normal.

Pepper noticed and elbowed him in the ribs.

'I've finished at Stark Industries for the day and wanted to check that you were still alive and hadn't blown yourself up or anything.'

Tony chuckled. 'I told you I'd call if I was going on a mission.'

Pepper raised a perfectly plucked eyebrow, 'you have the memory of a goldfish,' she said.

'I can recite pie to over 1000 places!' Tony exclaimed.

'Which is why it's so amazing that you still forget to do simple things like doing your flies up and remembering your phone.'

Tony pulled a face at her.

'_Sir.' _JARVIS interrupted from above. _'_The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy _is on.'_

'Awesome!' Tony stood up and grabbed a towel. 'Ever seen it, Peps?'

'No.'

'You have to, come on!' Tony grabbed her hand and pulled her towards the door and into the living room, leaving a glass and a half of abandoned milkshake at the side of the pool…'

* * *

When Pepper woke up the next morning, she found that she was really very comfy and there was a strange humming sound coming from something next to her left ear. Pepper closed her eyes again and tried to remember what she'd been doing that led to her current state of comfy-ness.

She remember watching _Hitchhiker's_ with Tony and laughing at the sofa scene, then after that was over they'd watched the original TV series and they'd then made homemade pizza while listening to the radio series. It turned out that contrary to popular belief, Tony was actually a very good cook and his mother's Italian pizza recipe was to die for. They'd then gone back into the living room and had gone through Tony's DVD collection until they'd found _The Incredibles _which they then watched and Tony had produced some popcorn from somewhere. Pepper froze when she realised that she only remembered watching half of the movie…

Pepper turned her head slowly and swore inwardly.

She was lying on Tony.

She was _lying _on _Tony._

_She was lying on her boss!_

Thankfully Tony had changed out of his wet swimming trunks into a sweatshirt and joggers and was still asleep, the humming noise she'd heard was of course his arc reactor. Pepper tried to move but realised _he had his arms around her. _

_Shit._

Pepper slowly and carefully untangled herself from Tony's embrace and tiptoed quietly into the kitchen, pouring herself a cup of coffee when a foul stench caught her nose. Pepper wrinkled her nose and followed the smell outside where two glasses of congealed chocolate milkshake awaited her.

'EW! That's _disgusting,' _Tony said, stepping outside, nose wrinkled. 'What is th…' he trailed off as he looked at the smelly congealed milk. 'Huh.'

'I don't suppose you happen to remember what number 11 on the list was, do you Tony?' Pepper asked slowly.

'Um… something about milk?'

'Specifically?'

'Not to leave it out on a hot day…' Tony said quietly. 'But in my defence for once this was a complete accident. I actually had no idea it was still out here.'

Pepper smiled. 'I know.'

Tony held his breath and grabbed the two glasses, taking them into the kitchen and dumping the smelly contents down the sink. He turned the tap on and opened the kitchen windows. Once they'd been slightly cleaned he shoved them into the dishwasher and turned the power on, adjusting the water settings so it was as hot as it could go.

There was a pause as Tony stopped holding his breath and turned to look at Pepper.

'That felt manly,' he informed her. 'Do I get man points for this?'

Pepper grinned.

* * *

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	10. Number 12, 13, 14 & 15

_Sorry I haven't updated for ages! I was working on 'Same Old, Nothing New' :) And don't worry, for those that are following it there will be an update on 'Some Sanity Required.' _

_Please review!_

* * *

It was just… sitting there, innocently.

Tony scrutinised the BlackBerry he'd bought Pepper for Christmas a year ago. It was red, to match her hair and small, compact. It had been the latest model when he'd bought it and from an engineering point of view it was a work of art, although Tony could and had done better, when he finished it the StarkPhone would be the number one Christmas present, the über smartphone.

Tony picked up the phone and called up his photographic memory to recall all of the different things he wasn't allowed to do with the phone; basically everything.

_First one, change the ringtone._

It had to be good, it had to be a ringtone you would be embarrassed to be seen with, a ringtone you would rather die than have to listen too. Tony tapped the fingers of his other hand on the workbench. Pepper would come looking for her phone soon; she had only just left and probably wouldn't notice it was missing till she got to the office which gave him an hour to wreak havoc with it.

'JARVIS, what song do you hate the most?'

'_I neither like nor hate any music, sir.'_

'Thanks for that insight, JARVIS, very helpful.'

'_I live to serve, sir.'_

Tony considered all the music he had heard over the years, most of it had been heavy rock such as AC/DC, Van Halen, Queen, Black Sabbath.

Black Sabbath.

Tony went online and downloaded the song 'Iron Man' by Black Sabbath, he sent it to Pepper's phone and set it as her ringtone, chuckling and hoping somebody was around when the opening lyrics played: _'I am Iron Man.'_

Now that was done Tony opened up the calendar and examined all of the appointments Pepper had made for that day. He knew that if he changed _all _the appointments Pepper would murder him, she'd do it creatively, painfully and no-one would ever find his body. However, he was Tony Stark, and she had written the list so she must be expecting it, but she had been nice to him recently so he'd only change the appointments for that day.

_Okay let's see… it's half past nine so Pepper is going in for the ten o'clock meeting with the head of R&D which I should be going to, so I'll change everything after twelve._

Pepper had a meeting with a representative of Dell Industries about a potential merger at 1.30pm, which Tony changed to 2.00pm, and a review with the head of security at 3.00pm, which Tony changed to 3.30pm. She had an interview with a potential receptionist immediately afterwards at 4.00pm which Tony changed to 4.15pm and a last meeting with project co-ordinator at 5.00pm which Tony changed to 5.30pm. Grinning, he took Pepper's phone upstairs and dropped it behind the back of the sofa.

Then he got in the shower and waited for Pepper to get back.

He discovered Pepper an hour later frantically searching for her phone under the cushions.

'Morning, Pep,' he said, grinning.

Pepper dropped the cushion and glared at Tony. 'Anthony Edward Stark if you don't tell me where my phone is right now my revenge we be swift and will involve soap, shaving foam and ketchup.'

Tony winched. 'What if I tell you you're in the right place?'

Pepper pointed a finger at him. 'Ketchup, Stark, a LOT of ketchup.'

'It's down the back of the sofa,' Tony said.

Pepper fished her phone out and immediately went to her calendar. 'Thought so, you just couldn't resist, could you?'

Tony looked confused. 'What do you mean?'

Pepper's hand went to her skirt pocket and pulled out a small pocket diary, she opened it to that day and waved it in his face where her original schedule for that day was neatly written in her tidy handwriting. 'You were set up! I _left _my phone there! I figured you'd try to fulfil the next few items on the list sooner or later so I left it there on purpose.'

Tony sighed. 'That thought had crossed my mind, never mind, you still have the rest to look forward too.'

Pepper glared at him. 'Ketchup, Stark. Ketchup. Rivers of ketchup.'

* * *

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	11. Number 16, 17, 18 & 19

_OMG I HAVEN'T UPDATED THIS FOREVER I AM SO SORRY PLEASE PLEASE FORGIVE MEEEE! :( :(_

_This chapter is dedicated to the wonderful Hawkwing-Miskit, who essentially sent a boot up my ass and got my muse back into gear. 4 for you Hawkwing-Miskit you go Hawkwing-Miskit :)_

_PLEASE REVIEEEEWWW! :D_

* * *

16- Hack into Pepper's laptop and change the start-up tine

17- Hack into Pepper's laptop and fill in up with pictures of him

18- Hack into Pepper's laptop and fill up her email with rude advertising

19- Go anywhere NEAR Pepper's laptop

* * *

Tony scrutinised Pepper, who had fallen asleep on her laptop at the kitchen table. More specifically, she'd fallen asleep on the 'I' key, which was now creating pages and pages on Microsoft Word of just the letter 'I'.

Tony was very spontaneous, it fact it drove everyone nuts. The 'I am Iron Man' conference being an example of his spontaneity. So when Tony realised he'd been given a rare opportunity to fulfil some more items on the list of things he wasn't allowed to do, he decided to act on it.

First things first though, he had to get Pepper _off _her laptop without waking her up. This was going to be tricky, as Pepper was very restless and would wake up at the slightest little thing.

_Oh so gently _Tony manoeuvred the laptop to the right slightly, pulling it away from Pepper, and slid his arm underneath her arm to replace where the laptop had been. Pepper seemed perfectly happy to continue snoozing on his arm, and in fact rolled her head to the right slightly, giving Tony the perfect opportunity to pull it out completely. Except he now only had one arm, which Pepper had claimed for herself.

Not a problem.

Tony recalled that the list stated he was allowed to _hack _into the computer, but in fairness he didn't need to, he knew that Pepper's password was 'Arc'. Why, he didn't know, but he didn't ponder on it as he quickly put the laptop on mute to stop the start up noise from waking her up. Thinking of start up tunes, he had to find a new one for her…

Tony did ponder upon this, trying to think of the most annoying start up tune which would benefit from maximum comedic value. Eventually, he decided that the TARDIS' _vorp vorp _noise would be suitable. Once that was done, Tony went online, found as many pictures of himself that he a) liked, and b) would remind Pepper that he was Iron Man, and created a desktop background full of them, even changing her icon to a particular funny one of him with goggle eyes.

The rude advertising part of the list would be tricky, he wanted to fulfil that one, but didn't want to fill Pepper's laptop up with virus's, mainly because he'd probably be the one that would have to get rid of them. So instead he typed out a quick computer program which would project adverts for things like 'I SEE YOU'VE RECENTLY SEARCHED FOR CURES FOR THRUSH, PLEASE CLICK HERE.' Tony chuckled quietly and gently closed the lid, sliding the laptop back under Pepper's arm and claiming his own arm back. Then he put a pillow under her head, a blanket round her, turned the lights off, and snuck off upstairs.

**XxXxXxX**

When Pepper woke up the next morning, it was to a cup of steaming black coffee which had just been waved under her nose.

'Wakey wakey, Pepperpot,' Tony said, already up, showered, dressed, and smelling of Hugo Boss. 'We've got that board meeting today.'

Pepper groaned and buried back under her blanket- _where the hell did that come from?- _trying not to think about it.

Tony chuckled from somewhere behind her. 'And you tell me I'm grumpy in the mornings, I even made you coffee.'

In response, Pepper drained the coffee in one go then stalked upstairs to have a quick shower and change her clothes, glad she had a business suit hidden in a wardrobe in one of the guest rooms.

**XxXxXxX**

'So then, shall we start?' one of the board members asked, looking expectantly at Pepper.

'Of course,' Pepper said, opening her laptop and wondering why Tony was looking particularly mischievous today.

_VORP VORP VORP VORP VORP._

'Nice start up noise,' someone said. 'My kid is a big fan of Doctor Who.'

Pepper stared, horrified, at Tony, who winked at her.

Then her background loaded and she just about died.

The two people sat either side of her lost their eyebrows in their hair lines and giggled to each other.

Then the advertisements starting popping up everywhere and Pepper slammed the lid of her laptop down so hard everyone in the room jumped.

'I don't need it,' Pepper said. 'I can remember everything.'

'OW!' Tony yelled loudly, making everyone jump again.

'Um… got my fingers trapped in the chair,' he said apologetically, deciding not to mention that Pepper had damn near broken his leg by kicking it with one of her heels.

**XxXxXxX**

After the meeting, Pepper grabbed hold of Tony's tie and dragged him into the office, she thrust her laptop at him.

'Get rid of the advertisements, now,' she said, in her 'Pepper-is-pissed' voice.

'Yes, boss,' Tony said sheepishly, opening the lid.

Pepper decided not to mention that she was going to use the background on her home computer.

* * *

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	12. Number 20

_Bet you were expecting to wait another year for the next update? Mwhaha :)_

_Please review! :D_

* * *

_20- Jump out of the window in his armour and give Pepper a heart attack._

Outside, the sun was beaming down upon Malibu.

Pepper gritted her teeth and carried on working, the faster she had these notes typed up the faster she could go out in into the sun.

When Pepper had passed the one year mark of her employment with Tony Stark, he'd surprised her by giving her her own office at the house with a spectacular view of the gorgeous blue ocean. It was a very Pepper office, spacious and neat with lots of shelves for storage and lots of pretty artwork on the walls.

Pepper was nearly finished with her notes. She didn't know why she was bothering, it wasn't like Tony was actually going to read the damn thing.

'GERONIMO!'

Pepper screamed as her boss zoomed past her window and plummeted down to the rocks below the house

Pepper jumped up and raced out of the room, knocking her bin over in the process. She skidded down the corridor in her heels, banister slid down the stairs and threw open the patio door, running out onto the balcony, expected to find her boss' broken body on the rocks.

Instead she found him hovering just above the water in the Iron Man armour, faceplate up, grinning up at her.

Pepper was out of breath and her heart was pounding, tears of shock and worry prickling the corner of her eyelids. She did _not _have time for this.

'YOU SON OF A BITCH!' she screamed down at him, silently asking Maria Stark to forgive her in her head, and stormed up the stairs back into her office.

**XxXxXxX**

It was an hour later when there was a light knock on the door.

'Go AWAY, Tony,' Pepper said. She was no longer afraid of being fired for being rude to her boss, Tony couldn't function without her and he damn well knew it.

Tony stuck his head round the door and looked so apologetic and so much like a wounded puppy that Pepper almost forgave him.

Almost.

'Hey, Pepperpot,' he said quietly.

'Do _not _call me "Pepperpot",' Pepper said glaring at him. 'And I thought I told you to go away.'

In response, Tony dropped down to his knees in front of her and produced a cheesecake from somewhere. New York cheesecake too, her favourite.

Pepper sighed. 'Why are you on the floor, Tony?'

'Because I don't think you'll forgive me unless I beg for it,' Tony mumbled, mouth full of carpet.

Pepper smiled in spite of herself and dropped down in front of her boss, pulling him up. His brown eyes watching her warily and she took the cheesecake off him and sniffed it tentatively.

'Well, it smells edible,' Pepper said.

'That's because it's from your favourite restaurant,' Tony said.

Pepper frowned. 'They don't do take-away,' she pointed out.

'They did when I told them I'd mega pissed you off and needed an apology present,' Tony said, playing with the frays on the carpet.

Pepper raised and eyebrow at him. 'Did you just drive into Malibu _just _to get my favourite cheesecake as an apology?'

Tony peeked up at her through his dark hair. 'Yes?' he said.

Pepper laughed and hugged him. Tony's body tensed, he obviously had been expecting a slap but after a moment relaxed and hugged her back.

'Go on then, Stark,' Pepper said. 'Go cut the cheesecake up and pick a movie for us, you're forgiven.'

Tony beamed and jumped to his feet. 'You complete me!' he yelled, a stupid grin on his face as he raced down to the kitchen.

Pepper smiled. He was an ass, but he was nice with it.

Occasionally.

* * *

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	13. Number 21

_Eeek sorry I haven't updated for ages! (Pulls random fanfic user in front of her and hides)_

_At least you didn't have to wait another year right?_

_Right?_

_Anyway, enjoy and please review :)_

* * *

21- Hack into Rhodey's account and change the profile picture, username and start-up noise

Tony was _furious _with Rhodey. This was the ultimate betrayal, the ultimate unforgiveable deed in their totally-not-gay relationship. Tony didn't see a way past this, didn't see a way to forgive him.

He'd eaten his last strawberry ice lolly.

_Strawberry. _His _favourite _flavour. Pepper didn't eat them, preferring the raspberry ones, there was a reason for it, but he couldn't remember it in his anger fuelled state. Revenge must be undertaken and, Tony remembered happily, it coincided with the next item of the list. He'd already done the same thing to poor unsuspecting Pepper, it was time for Rhodey to get the same treatment.

Pepper was sat on the coach, legs tucked underneath her, laptop on her lap when Tony stalked into the room, holding onto his laptop, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

'Oh no, please don't tell me you're going to get back at Rhodey…' Pepper said.

'I have to; he ate my favourite ice lolly!' Tony declared passionately.

'… without me?' Pepper finished, eyebrows raised.

Tony stared at her, realising what she was saying. 'Pepper Potts, marry me,' he said, grinning from ear to ear.

'Buy me a drink first, then don't forget about me and leave me on a roof,' Pepper said, smirking, eyes on her work.

Suddenly, Tony was next to her, hands attacking her shoulders and forcing her to look at him.

'I didn't mean to, I had every intention of going back up, I even paid the damn bartender, then that stupid Cathleen…'

'Christine.'

'… interrupted me,' Tony said, looking unbelievably remorseful, if Pepper wasn't seeing it with her own eyes she wouldn't have thought it was possible.

'Tony…' Pepper said, softly.

'Yes, Pepper?' Tony said, staring at her lips and subconsciously leaning closer and breathing in her sweet scent, eyes fluttering closed.

'I'm on Skype with my mom,' Pepper said, grinning.

Tony froze and his eyes shot back open, he looked down at her laptop screen, where instead of spreadsheets or whatever work related topic he'd assumed she'd been doing, a lady with greying red hair had one eyebrow raised at him, arms crossed.

'Oh,' Tony said, hands still on Pepper's shoulders.

'Wow, mom,' Pepper said, looking back at her computer screen. 'Tony Stark lost for words, that only happens once in a blue moon.'

'Hi, Mrs Potts,' Tony said, letting go off Pepper and waving guiltily at her, like the child caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

Pepper quickly put her laptop on mute, knowing her mother's distaste for Tony; she didn't want to get Tony in trouble with her mother when he'd just made an effort at apologising to her. A half assed effort in fairness, but at least he tried.

'Order me a pizza and we'll plan our revenge,' Pepper said, grinning.

'You got it,' Tony said, springing off the sofa and legging it to the kitchen.

Pepper chuckled and un-muted her mother, preparing herself for the stream of insults against him.

**XxXxXxX**

'So, why do you want revenge?' Tony asked, once Pepper's mother had signed off and they were tucking into pizza, _Doctor Who _playing in the background.

'He ate all the raspberry ones as well,' Pepper said sadly.

'That is a crime worthy of revenge,' Tony said, nodding and patting Pepper on the shoulder in condolence.

Pepper grinned and watched Tony's fingers fly expertly over the keyboard as he hacked into Rhodey's computer. 'Okay, we're in,' he said, leaning back in his chair and rubbing his hands together gleefully.

'Rhodey isn't online right now is he?' Pepper asked. 'Because that would ruin everything.'

Tony grinned. 'It's Wednesday, Rhodey will be in his weekly meeting thing that he does.'

'Excellent,' Pepper said. 'And for future reference, when he asks, I will deny everything.'

Tony held out his hand, pinkie extended and they pinkie swore on it.

'Okay, Peps, what shall we do to him?' Tony asked, enjoying how close Pepper was to him as she leant over to see the screen.

Pepper thought for a second, then said: 'Do you still have the half-naked underwear pictures from that shoot you did in your teens?'

Tony's eyebrows shot up into his hairline. 'Why, Miss Potts, I don't believe I have _ever _mentioned them to you. May I enquire has to how you know about their existence?'

Pepper shrugged. 'I have friends who find you attractive and regularly send me pictures of you they find on the internet.'

Tony grinned lopsidedly and Pepper hit him playfully on the arm. 'I can assure you they all go into the recycle bin.'

'Of course they do,' Tony said, bringing up the aforementioned half-naked underwear shoot that Obadiah had nearly killed him over when he found out about them. Pepper took the computer off him and arranged the pictures into neat, attractive wallpaper which Tony then used as Rhodey's background wallpaper. For the icon, Pepper pointed out a picture that someone had drawn on DeviantArt of Tony and Rhodey kissing. When he'd stopped feeling violated, Tony set it as Rhodey's icon then used 'Gay Bar' as his start-up noise.

'How many more of these are there?' Tony said, scrolling through DeviantArt at all the pictures of him and Rhodey in various… compromising… positions.

'Oh that is gross,' he announced, pulling a face.

Pepper chuckled and stood up, retrieving her bag and pulling her coat on. 'If you think that's bad you should see the ones of me and you,' she said.

Tony froze for a minute, and then a wicked grin formed on his face. 'Seriously?' he said. 'Someone's drawn us doing… that?!' he gestured at the screen and Pepper shrugged.

'See you tomorrow, boss,' she said, sashaying out of the door.

Once she'd gone, Tony typed 'Pepper/Tony' into the search bar of the DeviantArt site and his eyes nearly popped out of his head at the pictures that popped up of the two of them.

'JARVIS, save these ones to my private server,' Tony said, pointing at a select few.

Then his phone beeped indicating a text, three words that told him Rhodey had noticed his computer's new decorative pieces.

**1 unread text message **

**From: Rhodey**

ANTHONY EDWARD STARK!

Oh boy was he in trouble.

* * *

_Please review! Next one coming soon to a computer near you :)_


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